Nevada City, CA — For an upcoming talk on the dangers of wireless technology, Nevada City vice mayor Reinette Senum is under fire for proposing electrocuting an Elephant using 5G radio waves. The demonstration, which involves one grown elephant and pirated cellular equipment from the QAnon-associated group Electric Skies, is scheduled for August to coincide with visiting speaker Dafna Tachover.
“When Reinette contacted me last week, I told her no,” said North San Juan retired scientist Edison Riffle. “I told her I don’t do that anymore. Ever since I left the Department of Defense, I don’t do no experiments like that. No sir. But then she showed me all these Youtube videos of rats with tumors and babies crying. That’s when I said, ‘OK, OK. I’ll do it.”
According to a spokesperson for Electric Skies, the quasi-anarchist group which advocated for a return to the pre-radio world, they said killing animals to make a point may seem too radical for some, but they feel they have to do this.
“Look, we know how this looks. And on the surface, we have to do something,” said spokesperson who goes by the name “Dwarfstation” via the Internet site 4chan. “But Nevada City has made some bold moves over the past year, and we wanted to help. If an elephant has to die, well that’s a shame, but necessary for the greater good. Sometimes the ends justify the means.”
The plan to electrocute the elephant calls for 1.21 Gigawatts of radio power to be aimed at the animal. According to Dr. Edison, the elephant won’t last long.
“At first the elephant won’t feel a thing. Then, it might start hearing phone calls and maybe a twitter feed or two. And then–poof–dead,” said Dr. Edison. “And I should know. I did all kinds of high-energy wireless experiments on animals, mostly goats you understand, throughout my career. I’m just glad I get to use my skills for the betterment of humanity, instead of weapons research.”
Counter Protests Breakout
Of course, news of the demonstration was met with considerable consternation from animal rights activists and other non-crazy people. PETA, or People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, condemned what they called “a grotesque display of cruelty just to prove a point.” And several Nevada City residents also expressed their disdain for the stunt.
“I don’t know why she has to go and do all this crazy shit,” said long-time Nevada City resident Toby “Doob” Carnevale who had just stepped outside the local saloon The Mineshaft to smoke a marijuana cigarette. “I mean, Nevada City is a crazy town, but this is a whole new level of crazy, you know. Do you have a light?”
It’s unclear where the small former Sierra Nevada foothills town will get the 1.21 gigawatts of energy to power its bizarre experiment. To put that number in perspective, New York City uses 11,000 megawatts of energy in one day, or only .01% as much as the 1.21 gigawatts needed for the 5G elephant electrocution. According to Ms. Senum, these are details that they’re still in the planning phases.