Nevada City, CA — Following a particularly deadly and destructive fire season in Northern California, the former Gold Rush town of Nevada City has decided to use deer herd to reduce the wildfire risk around the city’s perimeter. According to a memo released by city hall earlier this week, the plan calls for as many as 100-150 deer to eat as much of the combustible fuels including scotch broom, blackberry shrubs and empty butane cans.
However some have questioned the City’s wisdom in the matter, as most of the deer-eating activity coincided with hunting season. More recently, mayhem broke out just past the city limits on Highway 49 when a group of hunters opened fire on 40 deer grazing near Newtown Road.
“I was just enjoying my steak, when I heard all this shooting outside,” said longtime Nevada City resident Toby “Doob” Carnevale who was enjoying a free meal with a friend at the popular Willo Steakhouse. “We all ran out and it was chaos. Deer were running everywhere. Across 49. Over people’s cars. And I’ll be damned if one didn’t run into the restaurant. There were all these hunter fellas shooting up a storm.”
The Police Report Is Even Stranger
According to the police report, filed both with Nevada City and the Sheriff’s department, a group of hunters from Gridley, which is a small town just north of Yuba City, had heard of the City’s plan to use deer to clear the underbrush. They thought it was the perfect opportunity to “bag a few” according to one of the men.
“We just thought it was perfect,” said Gridley resident and long-time hunter Beston Hanks. “So I called up my buddies, loaded up on ammo, and headed up the hill. I’m just angry that we didn’t get a single deer.”
Despite having hundreds of rounds of ammunition, the 12 well-armed hunters didn’t manage to hit a single deer. In fact, the only place their bullets landed where several cars parked at the Willo.
“Oh yeah, they hit my Prius,” continued Mr. Carnevale. When everyone ran out to see what the ruckus was about, that’s when a bullet hit my back window. Hank [Doob’s handyman friend Hank Snow] was yelling at me to get down. But I survived ‘Nam, I can survive a bunch of idiot pee-shooters from Yuba City.”
The police arrived on the scene quickly, after several of the customers called 911. However it took animal control over 1 hour to remove the 3 point buck from the Willo who had made himself comfortable over in the band area, chomping on several patron’s spilled salads.
“Well, I’m sure sorry for all the trouble we caused,” said a somewhat somber Mr. Beston who was scratching his head. “I’m sure grateful they didn’t throw us in jail. I mean, we got cited, but that’s the least of our troubles with all the bullets holes out there. Next year, we’re going to Oregon.”