Penn Valley, CA –- Citing the threat of E. coli and unrestrained immigration from Canada, the Trump Administration ordered ICE to the small and insular community of Lake Wildwood to “take care” of the Canadian goose population.
“Whether it’s coming from the South or the North, illegal immigration of has got to stop,” an unidentified Trump Administration official was quoted as saying. “We don’t even care what species anymore. This country is being overrun with illegals.”
According to the official, Canadian geese illegally entering the U.S. borders will be detained, their goslings be separated from their parents and held in cages with others in their gosling age groups. Those currently in the U.S., like the geese at Lake Wildwood, will be rounded up and deported pending hearings with immigration authorities.
“Well gosh, we don’t want them either,” stated a Canadian government spokeswoman. “They poop all over the place, and never clean up after themselves. It’s just not nice and does not reflect well on Canada’s reputation. We started calling them ‘trailer park geese’ but that’s kind of harsh, eh?”
ICE Invades Lake Wildwood
Meanwhile, ICE employees in full Kevlar riot gear toting AK-47s were unloading their gear from 17 MRAP (mine-resistant ambush protected) vehicles preparing to round-up the errant fowl from Lake Wildwood and the surrounding area.
“They are a clear and present danger to the stability and economy of Lake Wildwood,” said the same unidentified Trump official. “They are taking jobs away from American geese. You don’t see any white geese around anymore because these multi-colored Canadian gang geese have taken their jobs away from being complete nuisances and perpetual poop machines.”
“American geese are perfectly capable of producing their own poop and being a health nuisance. Canada’s geese bring the threat of socialized excrement and disease, no matter how nice they are,” he continued.
“The president wants to build a wall that they can’t fly over,” the Trump official declared. “This illegal goose immigration has got to end!”
At Lake of the Pines, also home to a large Canadian goose population, the ICE authorities were also in force to round-up and detain several hundred geese and their goslings.
As 14 MRAP vehicles rolled down Lakeshore North and Torrey Pines Drive in LOP with trailers full of goose cages, residents came out of their homes to cheer them on. Said Sharon Metzger, long-time LOP stay at home mother, “That Justin Trudeau is sending them. I’m glad our military is here to show him who’s boss! God Bless America!”