Grass Valley, CA — After numerous complaints from dog owners regarding “canine discrimination,” Grass Valley’s Briar Patch CO-OP market has discontinued its popular cat yoga sessions. According to documents obtained by Gish Gallop, many dog owners were furious that similar yoga programs were not available for their dogs.

“Look,” said exotic pet collector Pete Johnson from Cedar Ridge, “there are cat people and there are dog people. Don’t let anyone tell you there is no difference. Just Google it for Christ’s sake. And while I’m neither, now you need to be fair and consider for all pet owners. Picking and choosing one over the other is just not right.”

Jess Sanderson, a long-time Briar Patch advocate and a self-proclaimed lover of both cats and Bikram yoga, started the owner/pet yoga sessions last year in response to Bernie Sanders losing the Presidential nomination.

“I wanted to do something positive for myself and the community,” said a serious Ms. Sanderson. “So many people were moping around and I wanted to make a difference. So I followed my two blisses and put them together: cats and hot Bikram Yoga. You’d be surprised how well cats adapt to Ardhacandrāsana .”

According to several participants, many cats had trouble with many of the yoga’s poses in such a hot and demanding environment.

“Well my Bella would have none of it,” said Nevada City resident Stacy Grant speaking of her tabby cat. “In fact, we couldn’t make it through the first session after she clawed the hell out of my back. I thought it would help with her depression, but I was wrong.”




Trouble started last week when a local dog’s rights group Dogs Are People Too or DAPT got wind of the cats-only yoga sessions and demanded that their pets be included in the sessions. When Ms. Sanderson tried to reason with the members that putting dogs and cats together in a heated room was a bad idea, DAPT representatives threatened to boycott the BriarPatch. It was then that store’s leadership canceled the cat yoga sessions.

“Well, it’s sad,” continued Ms. Sanderson. “But it all worked out for the best because they need the community room now for the store’s expansion. Maybe in the future, I can start it up again.”