Nevada City, CA — In a unanimous vote, the Nevada County Board of Supervisors passed an ordinance forbidding any satirical posts from any local Facebook newsgroups. Citing the need to “remove unnecessary riff-raff” and “preserve the delicate sensibilities of its citizens,” the board said it was important to coddle and protect our voters from “the influence of poorly timed jokes and occasionally crude language.”
“It’s important,” said District 2 Supervisor Ed Scofield between naps, “that we preserve that precious commodity that is confirmation bias. Heaven knows that diverse points of view only lead to confusion and perverse sexual behavior. People move to Nevada County to feel comfortable. We don’t need satirical publications upsetting this with their trouble.”
Starting later this year, citizens will be required to respond to all Facebook posts they are either satirical articles (or perceived satirical articles due to a low IQ) with a pithy “please don’t post satire to a newsgroup.” Following that activity, they will also be required to read 4 chapters of Leviticus from the Old Testament and take several, unspecified deep breaths.
It’s unclear how many locals will obey the new laws, but it’s clear there is a small but vocal minority who are celebrating the government intervening in the affairs of speech.
“I can’t tell you how pleased that our government is finally taking this scourge seriously,” said frequent Nevada County News and Information participant Dana Gross. “This is a place for news, not things that make us question the news.”
Several publications including local cartoon legend RL Crabb plan on suing the government for having no sense of humor. Mr. Crabb refused to comment, referring everyone to his website for additional information.