Area Woman to Replace Dull Scissors But “Might Keep Them Around”

Alta Sierra, CA — Area woman Nancy Woods might keep her old pair of scissors after purchasing a two-pack of Fiskars 8-inch scissors from Amazon.com.

“Scissors are like socks, I’ve learned,” said Ms. Woods during a telephone interview with the Beacon. “One minute they’re there, and the next minute they’ve been sucked into an alternative universe never to return. So I’ll keep this old pair just in case.”

Americans like to keep things. And every home, big and small, across the country has what’s popularly referred to as “the junk drawer.” These drawers contain everything a family needs, yet can’t find a suitable storage place. Often, these drawers will neither open nor close in an orderly manner.

“Nancy just can’t get rid of anything,” said husband, Jim Woods. “As soon as she’s not looking, I will throw these damn scissors away. And the whole drawer, for that matter, as soon as I can get it open.”

About Post Author

Loretta Splitair

Loretta Splitair is the Broad Street Beacon’s Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady’s Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel’s music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

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