Area Satirist Can Not Get His Headlines Down to a Reasonable Size Due to the Complexity of His Hooks And the Fact that He’s Way Too Verbose. You Should Hear Him Try to Order a Cup of Coffee

Rhode Island Street's Davis Corny has a knack for huge headlines.
Rhode Island Street's Davis Corny has a knack for huge headlines.

Grass Valley, CA — An area satirist admitted in a Facebook post that he has struggled to “get his headlines down to a reasonable size due to the complexity of his hooks and the fact that he’s way too verbose at times. In fact, you should hear me try to order a cup of coffee. I can take hours.”

Rhode Island Street resident and world-renowned satirist Davis Corny said he has a lot to say, and that “after a few revisions, I can get the headline down to a few words or so.” However despite his claims, the prolific writer has struggled to get his headlines in order. His most recent headline, “The Weight Loss Trick That Everyone Is Talking About and Why Health Insurance Companies HATE This New Trick So We Didn’t Believe It. So We Fact-Checked It (Twice). Now Let’s Talk About How to Take It Worldwide”, failed to garner any attention largely because the entire article was written in the headline.

“What can I say,” said the wordy Mr. Corny, “I like to pack a lot of ideas into my headlines. The Onion has done it for years until they started using Twitter. But I’m not going to be a slave to these technological limitations. I say what I need to say.”

Most social media and authoring platform automatically truncate (trim) long headlines down to a certain character limit. In the case of Mr. Corny’s articles, this has led to some rather unfortunate mishaps.

“Yeah, there was that time that Facebook cut my article about a local grandma’s craft projects. Facebook made it ’83-year-old Phyllis Genry’s Crafty Enterprises Came to an Abrupt Halt When She D…’ when the full headline was ’83-year-old Phyllis Genry’s Crafty Enterprises Came to an Abrupt Halt When She Dyed Her Grandson’s Pants the Wrong Color.’ Needless to say, Phyllis’ family was not happy about what turned into an obituary. She thought it was funny, but no one else did.”

It’s unclear if the seasoned satirist has any plans to work on his conciseness, but the community is pulling for him.